BLURRED LINES (The Shed, National Theatre)

16 Jan


I’ll keep it brief because it’s 7 minutes to midnight, I’ve just consumed a LOT of biscuits and I’m curling over my laptop as we speak wondering why I’m  browsing the internet with crumbs falling into my keypad instead of curling into my bed.

I’m in a play, it’s a devised play under the leadership of two wonderful people; the magnificent director Carrie Cracknell (Doll’s House, Young Vic/West End) and brilliant writer Nick Payne (Constellations, Royal Court), our movement director is Ann Yee (The Colour Purple) she’s incredible too!

It’s called BLURRED LINES, and yes, it’s in …. honour of Robin Thicke and his apparent big …song that sold millions of records, a song about a girl who he is smoothly trying to convince that ‘she knows she wants it’…a song in which T.I later kindly offers to split her arse in two, Pharell sophisticatedly singing about how much he hates the blurred lines (of sexual consent) all the while.

I kinda like this song, I also kinda hate it when I think about it. The same way I kinda like this society but also kinda hate it when I really think about it. The sense of power and control of the opportunities you have become few and far between when you’re working class, elderly. a shade other than white, a woman, overweight, too short too tall, the list goes on.

We’ve been creating this play full time for 5 weeks now. Heavily inspired by novelist Kat Banyard’s THE EQUALITY ILLUSION. It’s been a challenge… partly because rather than my race and class being intertwined with my gender, over the last few weeks I’ve often felt like I was betraying my race/class by concerning myself with gender issues; the race angel going “OI! We were slaves, negro!” and the angel of poverty going “MATE! FEMINISM DOES NOT CONCERN ITSELF WITH OUR COUNCIL FLAT!” … and then on Sunday I saw 12 Years A Slave and flippin’ heck did it make me question why the hell I was opening my mouth to even tell someone the time.

But I guess when I watch the beautiful Lupita Nyong’o in 12 Years A Slave and look at what has become of a generation of females so closely linked to a tangled mess of slavery rape and violence (the blood ties are strong; the last DOCUMENTED race led lynching was in 1981, 7 years before I was born) I cannot help but think maybe I can open my mouth a fraction?

Kat Banyard says the definition of beauty for our modern world is a young white woman with big boobs and no pubic hair,  looking at our current society (including myself) I can see the…pardon me… the mess we women have made of ourselves… with our weave and our contact lenses and our choice of black female idols. We’ve made a real mess…and before it goes any further I, Michaela Coel am taking out my weave, my contact lenses, my deeply rooted desire to be someone so physically distant from myself ; I’m tangling them up and throwing them down the stairs with the stupidly high heels, oops, they all broke. GOOD (you’ll get the stairs thing when you see the show!). And it’s not that I CAN’T wear them…I guess what makes them unhealthy for me is the ideology that they make me look ‘better’…why? Why? Argh! *Slams-digestive-bisucits-into-forehead*

In the rehearsals and in the play itself I keep hearing this notion of being ‘objectified’ by men… I think we’re in a different phase now…now we also objectify ourselves. We ‘complain‘ that rappers don’t make us the centre point of their over sexualised music videos, we complain that we’ve been replaced by the Latino girl with the big boobs or the white girl with the oversized arse, and we are upset that we are no longer being objectified by the media…what a strange starting point…that it is a GOOD thing to be publicly sexualised? To want to appear as nothing more than a hairless, pale body of  innocence (and yet experience) with a hole at the bottom of the torso? Bloody hell.

And that’s just the surface, the last month or so we’ve explored image, the media and its reinforcement of stereotypes and inequality, the family, work, relationships…we’ve gone all over the shop and it’s been “‘mazing” but it’s now half midnight so I’ll jump ahead.

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I hear it’s all relative; that we have a right to be dissatisfied, and furthermore a right to complain, regardless of how much we have, if we can’t get it all, we have a right. I’m still not sure. I’m still not sure how I feel about this. One of the beautiful things about the rehearsal process for this play is that there is almost NO conclusion, there is no fence to sit on and there are no sides…or too many sides, no blacks or whites, it’s just millions of bloody greys and I still don’t know! In other parts of the world women are having their genitals mutilated while others are being stoned to death for having mobile phones…should we be devising plays about gender inequality in a society where we have the right to vote, to have iPADS, to wear what we want, to insert into and remove what we want from our bodies, fly planes, be millionaires?

If the building (the flat, workplace, whatever)  you’re sitting in as you read this started to flood, and before you knew it you were knee deep in ice cold water would you just sit there and continue reading this blog or would you want something done about it? For those who would sit there and say “other people in the world are drowning as we speak, I should be grateful that I only have mild pneumonia and it’s only a dog, other people have lost children” then there’s a possibility you won’t see  the necessity of this play…you might hate the things that slightly aggrieve some of us and you’ll probably scoff at the things that we find kinda funny…for those of you who think “shit it’s cold, crap, my dog’s dead…I want this fixed” then I guess I’ll see you at The Shed for a piece of work that maybe you’ll find a little bit important in a non-wanky genuinely important for this generation kinda way.

See you there…the show runs in The Shed Theatre from the 16th January till the 23rd February


Erm… can you bring Steve McQueen with you? ….Just saying…I wouldn’t be against that?

Michaela xxx


God Bless the Child

9 May

Morning and Yo!

I was actually holding off on this blog because I thought the postman would arrive at 1pm, but he arrived at 7.30am instead! No better way to write a blog than with an unwashed mouth and yesterday’s make up so with poor grammar and a groggy head to compliment the former I may as well crack on.

Today, Chewing Gum Dreams begins to place it’s bubble butt bottom on book shelves all around the UK, and all over the world through the power of Amazon and Amazon Kindle. If I never bothered saying it before- I got a publishing deal with Oberon Books. Continue reading

Chewing Gum Dreams – Alfred Fagon Award – 2012.

24 Nov

Hello Everyone!

I haven’t blogged here in such a long time I’ve kind of forgotten how to do it so forgive me if this babble lacks whatever usually keeps your attention on this site.

I’m used to only having little bits of good news that would pale in comparison to my sad life unless I big it up by magnifying it times five on every social medium available. Right now I’m thankful to have a lot of good news, although a bit baffed as to what to do with it all.

In August I submitted Chewing Gum Dreams for the Alfred Fagon Award, I am pleased to say I found out 2 weeks ago I won it. I was presented the award by Doreen Lawrence OBE (Stephen Lawrence’s beautiful Mother). She was lovely; humble, with that same quiet strength we have been distant witnesses of for so many years. Continue reading


3 Jun

Remember when we were younger…? Kano, Craig David, D-Dark, Sizzla, Sweet Female Attitude, Purple Haze and Shola Ama…remember the fights on the back of the bus; house parties because we had no idea how to get fake ID’s for raves; Chinese print leggings and hoodie to match; the first wave of New Era Caps, Air Rifts and Pink Timberland’s; wearing dummies for fashion, gelling baby hair on our foreheads, jamming outside Dalston Shopping Centre or Hackney Town Hall waiting…for anything. Remember the babies born by girls just in time for GCSE’s; remember the babies lost to kitchen knives dripping with revenge and the need for acceptance…

If you remember, if you’ve forgotten, if you never knew, keep reading… Continue reading

Michaela Coel plays Lysistrata at The Albany (DSD Part 41)

29 Apr

Hey Guys!

Really excited to tell you about what will be my FINAL play at The Guildhall School of Music and Drama.

We will be performing the Greek play Lysistrata and I’m very excited to be cast as her! Lysistrata is the strongest woman in Athens with an even stronger sense of individual responsibility; by taking matters into her own hands and convincing every woman in Greece to withhold sex from their husbands she attempts to end the interminable Peloponnesian War between Athens and Sparta…
It’s a classic war of the sexes, filled with testosterone, oestrogen, great debate, beautiful women and 10.5 inch ceramic erections.
Yep… seriously

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It’ll be on at The Albany and YOU as the audience will be in for many surprises! The seats are seriously LIMITED! There are only 106 seats and they are selling FAST– I’m not playing- I warned you with Chewing Gum Dreams and I’m hoping those of you who were too late and missed that play have learned your lesson in time for this next one.  Do NOT miss one of these performances:
Directed by Owen Horsley (Associate Director of Cheek By Jowl)
Showing at 7.30pm on the following dates
Monday 14th of May – Thursday 17th of May
also showing at 2pm on the following dates
Tuesday 15th May & Thursday 17th May
For Tickets:

Michaela supports BLACK ICE at SPOKEN

8 Apr


As I’m sure you’ll all already know, on Friday I supported BLACK ICE THE POET in Amsterdam City Theatre at an event called SPOKEN. Continue reading

Red Letter (with lyrics)

4 Apr



I flew to the sky

And now I’m stuck in the bottom,

They knew my name

Now I guess they’ve forgotten,

I mastered the slave,

Now I’m stuck picking cotton,

Then I called Your Name

And all I heard was nothing


Your remedy is what makes me feel better

You walked inside me and live in disguise here

Die and rise in You


It only gets tougher trying to be a greater person,

When I self-heal my wounds all the pain seems to worsen,

Don’t need your money and I don’t need your sermon,

Oh, the touch of a Dove that is what I am yearning


Your remedy is what makes me feel better

Breathing the words of Your bloody red letter

You walked inside me and live in disguise here

You inside me and I’ll die and rise in You


Injected some love in fear that I snorted,

I got blood on my hands, I’ve got oil on my forehead.

What we can’t whisper let’s please leave it unsaid,

Instead may I exchange my filth for your bloody red letter

Your remedy is what makes me feel better

Your rememdy is what makes me feel better

Die and rise in You.

KEEP GOING!!! (Drama School Diaries Part 40)

3 Apr

*Long Sigh*


I’m soooo happy to be able to say IT IS THE END OF EASTER TERM!!! We only have a 6 days off but given the fact that I’ve been in rehearsals every bloomin’ day, 6 days feels like 6 weeks!

This term I wrote, directed and acted in a one woman show, played 6 different characters in Charles Dicken’s Nicholas Nickleby, formed a proposal to a theatre company to have my solo piece on their stage, worked out every bloody day and continued to obey my teachers and stay away from the clippers (my hair almost propa normal now!!)…

Where’s it gotten me? Nowhere yet… but hey…I’m thinking might get me somewhere, so I’m just going to keep trying and working my newly tight butt off!

Whatever it is you do, whether you’re an actor trying to break through the glass ceiling, a city worker trying to get to the next level, a teacher trying to get better results…whatever…we all have moments when it just seems like you chose the worst path in life possible because NOTHING IS WORKING OUT.

I’d love to say I have great words of comfort and encouragement but I don’t.. I really don’t. Life is unfair, it is full of injustices, contra-bloody-dictions and lies… but there are other things life is full of too; it’s full of opportunities to become wiser… chances to grow, it’s fullness lies in that one person that adores you (Mum, partner, whoever).

This is the thing about life… it’s not the same for everyone. For others, they don’t have to climb a massive hill just to get through the door, the road to the door is flatland, it’s a doddle, maybe those people live next door to you, are related to you, are employed in your workplace or go to your school. It’s tempting to want to just pop over and walk that road but you have to understand that that road is inaccessible to you. Because it’s not your life.

Your path is hilly…maybe there is one particular hill, that hill is high, it’s steep- and your legs are weak. I really want you to understand that you have to go through walking that horrible hill! And what is the point in wasting time sulking and crying whilst you do it?! When you reach the top you get to lie down and rollllll down it like a little child before the next one comes! People on flatland don’t get to do THAT ;-D

I’m a cyclist, (as you probably know), and on the A12 route to Stratford there is a roundabout, I can either go round with the cars (flatland) or I can go straight above it on this ridiculously high hill. Guess what option I take? I take the HILL!! Sooo many benefits:

I get to just roll down the hill without peddling, I lift up one arm to feel the breeze in my sweaty armpits and it is pure BLISS..Also…I get a massive workout on my legs (which means my legs will look BETTER 🙂

Now I’m sure I don’t have to break down that metaphor for you. In the meantime, here is a song!! Enjoy!!

Oh, and the hook to a song I wrote YEARS ago (Coffee In The Morning) goes like this:

A confidence destroyed twice is a confidence rebuilt three times

Get back up.. you’ll be like you… but the new version! “You” version 2.3 … or whatever number you’d like to have…erm yeah… BYE. Oh- and this:



Chewing Gum Dreams (DSD pt 39)

12 Feb

Hey Guys,

Whitney Houston was one of the best female singers to be born on this planet and dominate the commercial music scene. Her talent was phenomenal, her voice leaves me in awe. My prayers and thoughts go out to her daughter, and the rest of her family. Another one of the greatest musical talents to step foot on the earth and dominate the commercial industry, gone.Image

Because I’m still sort of in this ‘Chewing Gum Dreams’ mode, I started thinking about Whitney’s childhood, I obviously don’t know her personally, but she clearly had dreams and aspirations…a quote from an interview with Oprah only three weeks ago reads “It was [drugs] everyday. I didn’t think about the singing part

Sometimes when you aim for the sky, you end up in a cloud so blindingly white you can’t see very sky your in anymore. I wondered who the first person was that offered her drugs and inwardly cursed them.

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I guess I see this as a wake up call, and maybe we all should; to stick to the goal- write your vision, make it clear and try not to let anything take you off course from it. Easier said then done, half the goals we’ve made in life we’ve probably already abandoned.

Chewing Gum Dreams is about a community of people that abandon their dreams (those REAL dreams, that require dedication and persistence and lead to long term rewards) for temporary highs; for living in a council flat to get away from their parents, for quick money, clothes, fame (the dreams that lead to instant gratification and nothing else).

This is a wake up call to GRAB HOLD OF YOUR DREAM, whatever you call it; your ‘vision’ maybe, and WORK your arse off toward it. My friend said something at rehearsals that stuck in my head last night; she said ‘some people just sit back and everything comes to them’ and it’s true; some people were born into the right families, into a relatively good financial situation, sent to the right schools..but the rest of us weren’t. I am living toward my vision because I have to, if I don’t  I’m basically..don’t even have time to think about that- but you know what?

I’m so frickin glaaaaad that my arse is this way, because this struggle shapes a person; it builds character; it gives strength; in the most incredible way, it’s shows what love, grace and favour is; to the students of the crappiest schools in the UK it grants is the beautiful struggle.

That is however, if you choose to struggle; if you sit back and just settle because maybe it’s too Imagehard to do a 180 on your circumstances or there’s too much temporary ‘fun’ to be had, then you’ll stay where you are, and that’s cool, if that’s what you WANT.

Is it what you want?

If the answer is yes, then you can press the ‘x’ button that will close this page, don’t bother reading any further. If the answer is ‘no’, let today be the day you get the heck up and start scratching away at that door that locks you out of a state of BEING you a trying to BE – IN. It’s a big door, I know, and it’s been bolted, double locked and alarm fitted since the day you were born, but if you just start scratching at it, and find a method and don’t stop, eventually the wood/stone will wear out… if it’s metal, use your insides, your fire and your spark! Melt it down! If it’s glass, dare to frickin use your mind and head butt the thing so it smashes like one of those martial artists on wood…! Be careful though :-S

My point is…it’s already in you, been there since you were born, it’s been there as long as the door has been there it’s just easier to stare at such a massive obstacle and be negative about it rather than make it disappear. MAKE IT DISAPPEAR.

For an article on Chewing Gum Dreams by “London Lit In A Hurry”
Click here

Love Michaela

Chewing Gum Dreams… just rambling thought I’d share.

1 Feb


We embraced living within our means. We were the youth of Britain, we didn’t want to be ‘rich’, or ‘okay’ or ‘white’ anymore, and so we decided that black would be more different from white than the white people could ever imagine. And if you were white and lived on an estate, you were black. Together we were hooded aliens. We spread our paper wings and flew as high as the low ceilings would allow us. The top floor on the estate was our highest cloud. When it rained, it poured, and London would flood, but our estates were so high we weren’t touched by a drop. So the plants never grew. But it was a fair exchange because no one drowned… we just sunk a little … sometimes.

We wanted lyrics, not music, and we learned every bar and screamed them till their ears died. Their ears did eye. Every single one and pair of them. And then they never heard us anymore, they don’t hear us anymore, they’ll never hear us again.

But we’re still screaming


Michaela Coel x


CHEWING GUM DREAMS (My First Play- DSD pt 38)

17 Jan

The 67 bus, friendship, violence, Lindon Estate, sex, friendship, UK garage, school, music, teachers, friendship, periods, emergency contraceptive, arse and tits, friendship, raves, tampons, white boys, mum and dad, God, money. Friendship.Image
Tracey Gordon is the school girl shouting at the back of the bus, who insults a teacher so acutely they cry in their office during lunch break, who bullies those as unfortunate as herself, who raves in house parties from Hackney to Tottenham, who once wanted more from life than looking after her mother, who had dreams once, but killed them in exchange for a 1st Generation iPod. And found love, and resolution in unexpected places.

Boisterous, sharp, and moving. Chewing Gum Dreams is a coming of age one-girl play that recalls four consecutive days in Tracey Gordon’s life that lead to the onset of her adulthood.

*posh grown up voice* I hereby invite you to CHEWING GUM DREAMS, my FIRST EVER PLAY!! I’m so happy and so proud to be able to post this because I’ve been working bloomin’ hard the last few months, so hard that I’ve neglected you! I’m so sorry! I think the details of this post will make up for it!Image

It’s part of a show called ‘One.‘ alongside three one-man plays (written by Jherad Alleyne, Kevin Phelan, and SImon Blackhall).9th FEBRUARY 6PM
10th FEBRUARY 2PM and 6PM

♥ Admission is FREE but spaces are very LIMITED (seriously)

♥ To reserve your place email with your
Full Name
Date / Time

YOU MUST AWAIT A CONFIRMATION. If you don’t get a confirmation email your name is NOT DOWN !


SEE YOU THERE…It’s gonna be revolutionary.

Meet Alice.

26 Dec

Hey Guys!

Been wanting to tell you about this piece of theatre for a while…I really think you should come. I’m definitely going and it’s PAY WHAT YOU CAN so you’ve got nothing to loose really.

Marene Miller has created a weird and wonderful experience…



A Site-Specific Piece of One by One Theatre on a canal boat called Alice

One by One is this alternative style of theatre whereby YOU are the ONLY audience member (so it’s “one by one”), the next audience member goes in after you and has a different experience…or the same experience depends on the “show”.

As for Alice…

You will be given a key one at a time and invited to step inside a creaky old canal boat. This is a tailor-made performance for each individual audience member.


10 – 15 January | 8 – 10 pm
Sunday 15 | 5 – 8 pm
You MUST reserve by emailing with your preferred date.

There are Limited Places and some days are already completely sold out!

Let Alice take you on a journey without setting sail.

Wrap up Warm
It’s All About You

Please note that this is a Pay What You Can Event. Though they won’t ask for your money, there will be a hat for you to place your donations in.

Guess I’ll see you after!


14 Dec
Hey Guys!
Yeah… been ages in it? I’ll explain that later there is more important news at hand:
OMARwill be live in London on the

22nd DECEMBER Continue reading

WORK HARD!!! Don’t IGNORE this. (DSD Part 37)

30 Aug


It’s now been 2 years since Fixing Barbie and boy oh boy have things changed; Mainly due to school I talk and even walk differently, I look different,  my voice has changed, my writing style has changed, my music family has changed, I even have some different friends. Continue reading

Documentary Episodes 1-3

17 Aug

Hey Guys!!


As my second gift to you before my website launches (TOMORROW!!!) Here are the next two episodes of my short little documentary thingy bobby. Hope you enjoy it!!




In case you missed it; here’s the INTRO (just paste it into your browser!)

See you tomorrow!!!


I’m In A Documentary!!

12 Aug

YO YO!!!

OUCH! HUSTLE! YEAH! SPRINKLES!!! WATCH. SHARE. LIKE. LOVE (if you want)…for it is for you…on a side note thank you for your support and love…

Michaela Coel

Michaela Coel wins Laurence Olivier Award! (DSD Part 36) READ TO THE BOTTOM!! X

12 Jul

Hello Hello HELLO!!!

Okay…so I’ve finally reached the end of my 2nd year. This means no more lessons; all that takes place in the 3rd year is rehearsing for our public shows, and of course; being IN the public shows. It’s finally becoming real… Continue reading

No…I Haven’t Graduated Yet. (Drama School Diary Part 35)

27 Jun

I’ve been at Guildhall for 2 years now…I didn’t realise how intense the course would be or how much I would have to put aside my entire life to get the most out of it and truly learn from my training (hence why I haven’t blogged a DSD since NOVEMBER!) but I’m making it, and I’m doing it, and it’s looking like I’m finishing. That’s right. I’m not dropping out.

If you know a decent bit about me, you’ll know that I dropped out of college, dropped out of university, then went back and dropped out of the same university again. Me and the educational system haven’t exactly been in constant perfect harmony, and I’m not the kind of person who ‘sticks things out’ in order to finish at a dead end with wasted years, a certificate and a silly looking hat; I’d rather preoccupy myself with figuring out what I’m SUPPOSED to be doing. Continue reading


22 May

Hello Everyone! Continue reading

Whilst Tidying My Bedroom…

26 Feb

Today I had a proper clean up! Continue reading

TIRED OF THAT Volume III : Relationships

31 Jan

Girls and guys that think it’s cute to act dumb. Girls; the only men attracted to that, are the kinda men that wanna pick you up by your left ankle and throw you around a room, and guys…that is NOT ATTRACTIVE, you can be as cute as sweet potato pie, and it might even get you somewhere for a hot minute, but once everyone realizes your brain is like a BIG EMPTY CARDBOARD BOX they ain’t gonna want anything to do with you; you don’t have to go to school- but I am TIRED of people not educating themselves on any level.

Women who are looking for ‘The One’…girl…if you’re looking to make that Disney mindset permanent you’ll be saying that in your 60’s.

When people get at me for being single, why are you more concerned than I am? Has God told you something? NO? Then back off, THEN when you get a partner you look at me like I was the only one that wasn’t picked for gym class, chances are you’ll break split up just like all the other partners you’ve had, and why? Because you’ve never been single in your life and you might need some time to find out who you are without Tom Dick and Harry telling you they love you and you’re amazing. Tell yourself your amazing- let’s see how easy it is for you to believe that and be secure.

If you DON’T like someone in a romantic way DON’T call them all the time, DON’T flirt with them, DON’T take them out for a little ‘justthe2ofus’ on their birthday, DON’T describe all their attributes and say that’s what you’re looking for in a partner, DON’T…Ohhh I see! You do like them but you’re not ready? Erm…how about that’s really self-centred, silly and selfish? Think about the other person you’re messing about and confusing.

I cannot stand people who don’t admit to lying in a relationship…the cards are really not in your favour, you might aswell come clean..but do you? NO. You find another way to wriggle out of the lie, you’re not IAN BEALE from Eastenders, this is real life, your partner will not leave you in Season 5, THEY WILL LEAVE YOU NOW.

People that think it’s OKAY to LIE in a relationship if the TRUTH will damage it. ANOTHER LIE you tell YOURSELF

Guys that don’t admit how they feel…like I said…this ain’t TV…you don’t finally admit to your feelings in Season 5 ‘coz she won’t be there…she’ll be married…to someone that isn’t you…obviously. THIS IS FOR YOU- call her, and tell her now, if she’s got two brain cells she already knows anyway! lol

PEOPLE THAT HAVE SEX THEN WONDER HOW THEY GOT PREGNANT…maybe if we pray…the baby will go…?

Girls that get pregnant out of wedlock; don’t mature from it or grow; then try and give me relationship advice like nothing happened just ‘coz they’ve got a kid-no offence, but I’m cool yeah? Having a baby doesn’t make you a woman or give you some automatic wisdom; it’s natural; all you did was have sex, gosh…not encounter the burning bush.

Guys that secretly have sex with men…then marry WOMEN…You’re WRONG. Come clean NOW! If you like men, BE A MAN and tell the truth!

DON’T BREAK UP WITH PEOPLE…THEN GET BACK WITH THEM…THEN BREAK UP WITH THEM AGAIN…if you’re gonna have the strength to break someone’s heart, don’t get guilty and undo it to make them feel better; THEY will learn that your break up will have a positive effect on them in the future- you caused them pain-it is NOT your role to heal them 5 minutes later. It’s like someone beating you senseless then sewing stitches on the wounds.

Girls that ask other guys to ask guys to ask his guy if his other guy Terrell LIKES THEM. URGH. PLEASE. I’ve been the ‘guy that asks’…on many occasions in my life, but I would never be the girl…I just think it’s a little off man.

You were with your man for 3 months and you broke up, it’s day 11, WHY r u still crying? CHILDREN IN AFRICA ARE DYING


PEOPLE THAT LIE AND SAY THEY’RE IN RELATIONSHIPS WHEN THEY ARE NOT…although I have done this before, this really is a pathetic disgrace.

Women who don’t do anything but sit there wishing they could get a man/husband GET A LIFE FIRST

Wha gwan sis? Hmm so now that you’ve got a man you’ve gained a stone and ain’t retouched your hair since the 3rd date? How come so many women only take physical care of themselves when they are single…like they only do all that stuff to GET a man *Get-a-man-lock-the-door-on-him*


“OH I’M SO SORRY, COULDN’T MAKE IT BABY, GOT CAUGHT UP AT WORK, WOULDA CALLED BUT….I’m a cheater so…goodnight, see you in the morning.”

People that break up with someone then find another partner a week later to fill a void; are you the only person that doesn’t see you’re on some temporary ‘rebound’? I mean, once the word ‘rebound’ was created BEING ON the rebound should have ceased.

I’m going to repeat this one because I have a feeling a lot of people will identify with this one…

If you DON’T like someone in a romantic way DON’T call them all the time, DON’T flirt with them, DON’T take them out for a little ‘justthe2ofus’ on their birthday, DON’T describe all their attributes and say that’s what you’re looking for in a partner, DON’T…Ohhh I see! You do like them but you’re not ready? Erm…how about that’s really self-centred, silly and selfish? Think about the other person you’re messing about and confusing.

Feel free to drop a comment of identification/appreciation/orlackoftheprior lol

*DISCLAIMER* All of these entries were written in ONE night on the 7th Jan ’11 in response to a Twitter Trend; I am not depressed or sick of life every day- I’ve just taken all my tweets from that night and meshed them together to make this blog :-)*

TIRED OF THAT Volume II : People

18 Jan

Jheeze, men and women that actually believe their apparent ‘good looks’ are a gift from God. Let me break something down to you…the concept of ‘good looks’ is not a permanent thing- it’s a trend, and it changes with time, ‘chinky eyes’ are IN NOW, please don’t sit there and say it’s a gift from God because in 10 years time when ‘chinky eyes’ are OUT you’ll be kicking yourself and looking for that scripture about ‘the gift of good looks’ that you never read. Continue reading


8 Jan


If we were all the same…we wouldn’t all be needed, God knows me from my head to my toe and last time God and I checked…I WASN’T YOU. Stop imposing YOUR LIFESTYLE CONVICTIONS on other Christians!

People in the UK that support Gospel Artists because…drum roll please…BECAUSE NOTHING! You don’t even care about their music, in fact, you DON’T LIKE their music! So why are you going to their album launch? Why are you following them on twitter, why are you clapping and screaming for them after their two-bit set? This isn’t ‘give a dog a bone for good behaviour’ this is their life! That’s why you have hundreds of artists trying to ‘make it’ that quite frankly won’t because you can have as much passion as you want..if you’re not decent at the technical part your passion is being channeled in the wrong way…but because YOU keep leading them on; they’ll never know it! Let them find their purpose and stop stringing them along.

You can get your ears pierced, just the bottom bit of course, if you get another piercing anywhere else on your ear or anywhere else your body YOU HAVE CROSSED THE BORDER INTO SIN.

Some people are STILL judging others…that’s so late

TIRED OF ANY “DENOMINATION” that believes they will be the only “DENOMINATION” to enter the gates of heaven…You may just find life’s Holy After Party a little different than what you were expecting.


ARGH! Christian girls that lie and say they are virgins when they are NOT, I’m coming from the world honey I can see it in your eyes. PLUS it makes people like ME who had sex with ONE GUY before I even believed in God look like some kinda Ex-Prostitute with some extreme P4CM’s really not that deep.

“harhar! Do you go to one of those happy clappy churches?! har har” …Is it funny though? KMT.

God is NOT deaf…you don’t have to shout at Him ALL THE TIME. Shouting TO the Lord..and shouting AT Him are two different things.

People that are THE NICEST PERSON EVER to Gospel Artists/Friends of Gospel Artists/Event Organisers..then totally ignore and brush off those they haven’t seen all over twitter and facebook…true colours…not everyone wants to be in involved in ‘Entertainment’…be nice to everyone…’coz God is watching you.

Why do you ask artists to perform for FREE ‘coz it’s ‘free entry’-“hallelujah”-then take a massive ‘Love Offering’..and then don’t show no love to those that contributed by dividing it- TIRED OF THAT> and believe me, that’ll come back on you! lol

People who leave London to go on ‘missions’ helping poor people and dying kids in Africa, then come back here, see the poverty on London streets and don’t do jack…I thought you liked helping people? FAKE. You just like traveling.

Gospel artists that rap about how much they ‘flee’ from sex…when they are sexually active, I’M REALLY STRUGGLING TO UNDERSTAND THE LOGIC ‘coz if you perform that song live, ain’t some part of you LYING? If you’re having sex, WRITE ABOUT IT…I dare you..I dare you to write the truth in your lyrics and set someone FREE instead of listeners clapping their hands, nodding their heads, and learning ZILCH.

People that get angry at 1 member of a church and NEVER GO TO ANY CHURCH EVER AGAIN, SOMBOWDY SHOUT ‘SILLY’!

MY GOSH..Christian men that struggle with lust and blame it all on women RAIL ON! We’ve all heard that before, if women disappeared off the face of the earth you’d still be struggling brother don’t play, go to a male prison, you’ll struggle so much you’ll have sex with men (lemme guess, YOU? NEVER!..You best stay on the straight and narrow ‘coz you don’t wanna test that)- maybe you need to keep control of your mind and that Pandoras Box we call your pants…be honest with yourself..when you’re sitting in your room all by yourself, with all your shameful thoughts, there’s no girls there are there..? Just you and your mind…be a man and admit you got issues. Rule NO.1 of being a grown up; stop blaming other people for your downfalls.

Artist that dilute their content when they get signed…I have not supported you all these years for you to turn into this jack of all nonsense.

ARTISTS that stand on stage and tell me “MAKE SOME NOISE! EVERYBODY SCREAM!!”…Erm…you’ve got the mic why are you telling ME to scream, and you’re the one performing so why don’t YOU make some noise?

Hello there… 🙂 would you like to take part in our survey…? 🙂

Thank you for accepting 🙂 Please answer ‘YES’/’NO’ to the following questions:

1. Do you listen to non-Gospel music?

2. Has God not given you the gift of tongues?

3. Do you miss prayer meeting?

4. Have you visited another church before?

4a. When you did, did you give your tithes there?

5. Are you a female with short hair?

6. Are you a male with long hair?

7. Do you dress casually to church?

8. Do you read the Bible more than you listen to Paul Washer Audio tapes?

9. Do you believe in following the BIBLE?

10. Did you stop screaming hallelujah and spin jumping after your voice croaked and you whacked the little kid next to you?

11. Are you single and over 28 years old?

12. Do you own your own business or home?

13. Are you married with no children?

14. Are you involved in the arts?

15. Do you write music and fail to directly mention ‘Jesus/God/Holy Spirit/Salvation’ more than 5 times?

16. Do you think it’s okay not to follow RevRun and Kirk Franklin on Twitter?

Hello again…if your answer to any of the above questions wasyes’, I’m here to tell you YOU’RE GOING TO HELL AND THERE’S A HIGH CHANCE THAT YOU’RE PROBABLY A DEMON, IF NOT, THE DEVIL. Thank you for taking part. 🙂


7 Jan


So TOMORROW i’m supporting JUNIOR GARR, an amazing musician and altogether lovely person at RUACH MINISTRIES

Jan 15th-16th I’ll be in Rotterdam performing again! so excited, this time it’s for MR.CLASH and other such things; here’s part of the press release

“…an unforgettable evening. With a line-up of Michaela, TAG, Robert Mitchell feat. Ntjam Rosie, Zapp 4 vs. DJ Git Hyper, Saravah Soul and DJ Swoolish, Mr. Clash will let you experience the artistic spirit of our times. A full-evening’s exclusive crossover concert in de Doelen’s most beautiful city crush room which provides a fascinating view of Rotterdam”

Flights on saturday! Argh! Here’s a cool virtual tour of the venue


and Jan 23rd I’ll be supporting Terri Walker

…more info if you watch the lovely slideshow I have broken my brain preparing for you, 🙂 I reckon things are always better when they are shiny , flashing , or moving.

I’d also like to say thank you to all who showed up to see my set at Love Lounge, my team and I had a lot of fun timings!!!!!

Here’s January for you in the form of moving pictures…pretend you are at an art gallery, it’s really all quite amazing..breathtaking I’d say.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

So erm….guess I’ll see you around. I start drama school in a couple days so look out for more diaries 🙂

2010 in Blog Stats! Thank YOU GUYS!!!!

3 Jan



Every year WORDPRESS (the people that host my blog) send a summary of how my website has done, and it’s done great! I just wanna say thank you SO MUCH for your relentless support this year..I’ll be writing another blog by the end of today with my plans for this year, hopefully they actually HAPPEN (I don’t wanna be one of those people that hype you up and then don’t do nothing).

Keep reading this blog, there’s a nugget of wisdom or a blessing in there for EVERYONE, guaranteed, I PROMISE. If you’ve missed previous blogs I implore you to read back and take a journey through the crazy world of me…You will be INSPIRED. I’ll keep you updated..2011 holds more of the same honesty, hopefully less of the same frustrations and tears, and more of the happiness passion and laughter!

I’D LIKE TO SAY THANK YOU TO CHRISTOPHE DESIGNBYSPIRIT  PIERRE for not only designing my website, but for reading EVERY entry I’ve written! Love you bro. Some people aren’t sure about my content…some blogs, to them are the grand scheme of things I don’t care! Why? For every blog that a human being and their anally diplomatic nature has deemed as inappropriate- another person has been FREED from BONDAGE!! So get a grip or stop reading, no difference to my life mate.

Anyway…here’s what WORDPRESS sent to my inbox on New Years Day…I promise I didn’t make this myself lol;

The stats helper monkeys at mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow


Crunchy numbers

Featured image

The average container ship can carry about 4,500 containers. This blog was viewed about 24,000 times in 2010. If each view were a shipping container, your blog would have filled about 5 fully loaded ships.

In 2010, there were 55 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 63 posts. There were 93 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 23mb. That’s about 2 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was June 1st with 2,339 views. The most popular post that day was After Oraclez..

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were,,,, and

Some visitors came searching, mostly for michaela the poet, micheala the poet, michaelathepoet,, and michaela poet.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.


After Oraclez. May 2010


If you ever wondered why my album isn’t on iTunes… September 2010
35 comments and 2 Likes on


Think Twice Chick October 2010
22 comments and 3 Likes on


Pics May 2010
1 comment


About November 2009




Michaela Performs in Rotterdam (Recap)/UPDATES!

20 Dec

So I’m back from Rotterdam!  As many of you know I had a weekend full of gigs and giddiness over there at the beginning of this month and here is a tiny little recap! Do you know what is good but terrible? Snow is. My flight got delayed, then cancelled (then cancelled, then delayed)  so I basically missed most of them, but MADE ONE THAT WAS AMAZING. Continue reading

Michaela’s Review of Janelle Monáe LIVE @ Shepherd’s Bush Empire

7 Dec


It’s 6 minutes after midnight…and there are a few things I should be doing before I go to bed; I need to write a blog on the gigs I had in Rotterdam (I WILL get to that tomorrow)..I need to call my producer to arrange my next studio session, use my exfoliating wipes and take my makeup off, find my headscarf to wrap my hair, think of more ways to sort out this life of mine that seems to be evermore creatively spiralling (…out of control). But there is something I need to blog about first…it’s Janelle Monáe. Continue reading

Michaela tours Rotterdam wins Awards, gigs, and other thingies!

2 Dec

Hey Guys!

It’s a lot of things man…I finished drama school today (I’ll tell you all about that later in DSD 35)

OH MY GOSH, GORDON BENNETT! I fly away to do a weekend tour of Rotterdam in 12 hours!! I’ll be performing poetry and leading a masterclass with the hottest poets in Rotterdam!

Have I packed? No

Am I ready? No

Am I nervous? Yes

Am I excited? Extremely, I wanna meet knew people and make new friends, and now I’m seeing it as an opportunity to get some headspace and ‘me’ time in a hotel. I’ve realised how important it is…when I don’t have ‘Michaela-Time’ my time is only invested in the lives of other people…and I kinda forget who I am a little bit…and everything I can be.

The last time I went to any european country was Switzerland when I was about 14..I remember sleeping in a bed under a sky of cockroaches with my sister and my mum contemplating whether death would be more entertaining (as 14yr old teens like me do lol)’ll be better this time round..I have a feeling Rotterdam will be amazing…

I’m grateful for the opportunity, yesterday I was chilling with a fellow poet; who is extremely talented, we were musing on the fact that in London/UK it seems you can’t be “successful” unless you start out the same way every other poet did; went to the same ‘teach-me-how-to-be-a-poet-like-you’ workshops, got mentored by the same poets…It sometimes all seems a little egotistical, and like the typical workplace, it seems those lower in the ranks seem to be working the hardest, and listening to their works; they inspire me much more than those I am supposed to deem as ‘dons and legends’ (apart from Kat Francois; she really is a legend, and her workshop course was great 🙂

So poets/mc’s/wordsmiths…if the door keeps closing in your face, get some bricks make your own house, with your own little wooden door with no lock and key; that way you can go through, and you can leave the (unbiased, non-judgemental) door open for others to walk through after you.

Those in Rotterdam that follow my website (‘coz there’s probably like..millions of them, right? LOL) ; all you gotta do is google ‘MICHAELA THE POET ROTTERDAM’ and you’ll find info on websites…in dutch; a language I don’t understand, these sites could be saying anything about me lol (thank God for, love you ROTTERDAM!!!! 😡


I won Best Gospel Act at the GMA’s!!! Ain’t that deep? Coz I didn’t ask you to vote! AND YOU DID!! Thanks sooo much!! I wasn’t even at the ceremony, I was stuffing food down my beak in bed watching X-Factor..thanks so much, you make me wanna do another free concert with cake…maybe even tea this time!!! And well done to all the other nominees, because I love ’em all; Matthew Allen, Marsha Garrick, Rachel Kerr, The Ambassadors (I don’t know who else was nominated and it’s not on the site, sorry if I haven’t mentioned you!! x)

Look out for a set I’ll be doing in the OHTV Studio’s! Catch that on TV (Sky Channel 199) sometime near Christmas!

December the 23rd is LOVE LOUNGE in Brixton at “DAHLAK” (256-258 Brixton Road, London Sw9 6AQ) I’ll be doing a set with full band..NEW NEW NEW TRACKS!!!

January 23RD is JAZZ FUNK’N’SOUL! This will be at the NOTTINGHAM ALBERT HALL! And Terri Walker is with me on the line up so that should be fun (I love it when celebish people do gigs with me coz loadsa people turn up that don’t know me and wonder who the heck I am…then I get to surprise them by being a half decent artist! woohoo!)

Love you!!!

I’ll keep you updated!..I should probably start packing now.

Rarely do people get to the bottom of these things. If you did…you get to find out that I’m recording my album with amazing producers and will have two releases next year :-P,


13 Nov

For many years tinsel town has been the spot, it’s become the hangout place due to it’s 24/7 availability and comfortable vibe. After many-a gospel event it’s been the place the ‘cool’ people and artist crews hang out, after raves in central london tired yet hungry party-goers stop by for milkshakes and cajun chicken burgers; it’s the economic place to go for a birthday if you don’t wanna stay in the ends and go nando’s like last year, and of course, it’s linking central for the new generation of hormone pumping teens that managed to save some of their EMA till the end of the week. Tinsel Town is accessible to all

Apart from you Terrell.  Continue reading


11 Nov

Hello sticky-toffee pies and sweet pea-people!!

Kept the last couple Drama School Diaries  diaries private to avoid getting into trouble (though I do a bad job of that in itself, but still… 😉 ) Continue reading

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