28 Nov

I’ve been trying to figure out how to blog about this for a few hours. I decided rather than to try adopt some kind of methodology, or find as many random scriptures as I can to justify writing a blog about this in the first place…I was just gonna go for it. So consider this more of a vent.


Okay, so I let myself think for a second it was because I was too picky, and that when something has a HINT of imperfection I run away from it, and that I’m over-analytical, and that I think too much, and that I’m not LADY ENOUGH….and just not DAINTY enough (this will relate to toilet-gate) BUT THEN I HAD TO GAS THAT.

I have a catch 22…as many of we women do. I am highly ambitious, not only am I christian…but when I do wrong I actually feel a sense of guilt, and a need to rectify. A need to rectify. A need to rectify. I am highly talented, I’m more intellectual, more focused, and from some perspective more successful than the male peers around me. And in some sense, I am a leader. Toot Toot.

Now SOMETIMES…there is an automatic conflict when you bring those characteristics to a male and gently put those cards down on the table babay…because culture and television and perhaps cultural misinterpretation of one or two biblical scriptures has led them to find that woman…a little bit intimidating…or a bit of a wild flamingo that they have to tame…

I really don’t know where I’m going with this…:o)

Ladies…like…are you like me? Looking forward to the day when you encounter the man who is not asking you to chop/trim/nip/or tuck your destiny for the sake of puffing up their own? The CEO who is looking for a MANAGER or ARTISTIC DIRECTOR to run the business rather than a caretaker or cleaner?

(Michaela this isn’t making any sense, you’re not structuring it properly. No, they’ll get it, just let me explore further)


Now…it’s not that I enjoy talking about urine and poo; it’s not some kind of sick past-time of mine: I am just not the type to pretend I’m going down to my bedroom when really I’m going to do a pee. And I’m not that kind of person to claim I was doing my makeup and then made a quick phone call in the toilet when in actual fact I was in there for ages ‘coz I was doing a poo.

I believe there is a line…a line that you can place quite neatly between those that say they are doing a poo, and those that claim they are doing their make up:

Those on the ‘What’s wrong with talking about poo?’ side; tend to be rather free spirited; they are pretty honestly open people; they may tell you that they farted when you smell that rot, they let you see them without all the trillings; because they are not quite bothered to make an effort unless they are going out.

Those on the ‘Woah, yeah, I think that’s too much information’ side; tend to be a little bit dainty, sometimes sexy or cute, perhaps shy sometimes, they have no idea what you’re talking about when you smell the stinking rot that their bums created, and they will make sure they have make-up on when you see them because they fully understand and embrace the importance of looking socially presentable.

Now may I say at this point that neither is better than the other in my opinion, but we shall not focus on the latter because they usually get the props lol

Now…the ‘Toilet Talkers’ (for want of a better word) get by around their girlfriends, at sleep overs, in performing art schools (lol), in relaxed atmospheres when only girls are around: once in a blue moon they may say ‘gosh, i really need to do a poo’, and it’s never reacted to; it’s just a thing: ‘i need wash my face’/’i need to poo’…no difference.

The ‘Toilet Talkers’ DON’T get by however, in the presence of those guys who think girls shouldn’t talk about that stuff, because they are girls…and girls don’t poo, they only gently urinate. Now I totally get that it’s silly to talk about poo every time you do it; that’s just weird.

Let me give you a small scene, I’m an actor right? So I can do these things:

—Girl goes to the toilet, comes back five minutes later—
Boy: Gosh you was ages what were you doing in there?
Girl: Oh sorry…i know
Boy: No seriously, you took forever what were you doing? Stealing my mums toiletries?
Girl: No, I did a poo

…I just don’t get it…you bluddy brought that on yourself, frig my days. (That was a made up scenario).

Now, I was told by 2 separate people this very week that ‘men are not attracted to girls like that’. Apparently, it’s just ‘not attractive…girls should be more ‘dainty’, ‘shy’ ‘sweet’, ‘it’s about being a “lady” Michaela’:

‘I don’t know why you think being so open is a good thing Michaela’ girls should be more ‘closed’, more ‘vulnerable’, less ‘in your face’

‘Michaela…sometimes I just think “woah, leave something to the imagination”‘

‘Girls like you are heavy though…’coz you’re like mandem!’

(Breathe Michaela. Breathe and breathe deep. Don’t say anything rash now, you’ve done well so far…)

Okay, so just a few points I need to address here;

  1. I care about how God sees me, and I believe that that will inevitably leave you standing decently in the eyes of your brothers and sisters; providing they have corrected their vision.
  2. What would you like left to the imagination? The only thing we stand accused of showing is openness, courage, honesty, and inhibition.
  3. We are SISTERS to you first, and I choose to try to leave SEXINESS to the imagination; because who are you to have that all up in your face? You are not my husband.
  4. We are STRONG, and leave VULNERABILITY to the imagination; because that smitten side of me is reserved for my man.
  5. We are OPEN, and leave shyness to the imagination; my husband will knock me off my feet…and he will be so beautifully spirited in my eyes that sometimes I won’t know how to look upon him, he is just FIRE like that! (Coffee In The Morning baby)

I personally believe strength, openness and sistership should be shown to the world more than sexiness, shyness and vulnerability: there’s no right or wrong: that’s my opinion.

So back to my initial question
Ladies…like…are you like me? Looking forward to the day when you encounter the man who is not asking you to chop/trim/nip/or tuck your destiny for the sake of puffing up their own? The CEO who is looking for a MANAGER or ARTISTIC DIRECTOR to run the business rather than a caretaker or cleaner?

Then say AMEN.
With Love,
Michaela The Poet

PLUG-IN:Vote Michaela for best female for the GM Awards by going to http://www.gospelmusicawardsuk.org
Buy the Fixing Barbie album by clicking this: http://www.ukgshop.com


6 Responses to “‘WHY AM I STILL SINGLE’ and ‘TOILET GATE’”

  1. KEMI December 1, 2010 at 11:09 pm #


  2. August June 4, 2010 at 10:12 am #

    Love love LOVE this! I so agree Michaela. The fact of the matter is most people dont want the truth, just a beautiful lie:

    Secrets, lying, telling tales
    I can be who you want me to be
    Secrets, lying, telling tales
    I can be who you want me to be
    But do you want me?

    Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
    Just close your eyes and make believe
    Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
    I am happy to decieve you

    Just as telling the truth cant be a challenge, revealing our true selves can be also. But I think at the end of the Masquerade most people want to know what they’re working with, nah mean?

    Andsurely, most guys must know that dainty painted princess arent real: “Wow, I love your green eyelids, pink cheeks, fuscia lips and black rimmed eyes – our babies are gonna be exotic!” NOT.

    Kepp it real hon 🙂

  3. Sally-Jane Bowman March 7, 2010 at 9:01 pm #

    This was a really good read, never usually comment on stuff but this is great!!! ooo Lemme read the rest now!

  4. Christina Golden December 2, 2009 at 9:43 pm #

    Was following your thought-process the whole time hun. It’s the great thing about you being able to re-track your thought with little to no ‘structural alterations’. I enjoyed reading this, it was honest and straight to the point. I guess society has put women into a bracket and quite rightly we ONLY go to the toilet to re-apply make-up and gossip….
    Love it!
    Much love,
    C x

  5. Spirit (yall already know) November 29, 2009 at 9:43 am #

    So glad I married a ‘Toilet Talker’.

    Life is so much easier. Great blog sis. Keep it up. Will stop by later to hang some wallpaper up in this place.

    Love ya.

  6. Kathical Mathmatical November 28, 2009 at 3:38 pm #



    p.s I dont have a facebook but I still see ya muhahahaha

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