Drama School Diaries (DSD) Part 23

15 Jun

I have this bad habit, this habit is common to a certain type of person, but definitely not relative to all.  I love going to the gym right (not during school time as we’re not allowed)? Now when I go, I can’t just go once a week: I’ll go everyday; I make sure I get in my car and drive half an hour to the gym every single day without fail. Even Sunday’s brethren; I wake up 4 hours earlier and work out, shower at the leisure centre and go straight to church. I make sure I do at least the same time on the cross trainer that I did the day before and aim for one more set of weight exercises.

It’s the exact same with my work ethic: I love over-aiming for productivity. I have this inherent desire to run myself down to the ground even when I don’t necessarily need to…you never need to do you? I cut out all the middle-man tat such as keeping a diary, or doing background research or exercises that I have concluded aren’t economic enough and just get straight to the meat…and keep stuffing it down my face…and stuffing and belching and choking and stuffing, until my stomach’s eyes crash from their sockets. And I throw everything up on top of a heap of Personality Type A vomit that I still haven’t cleaned up from the last time this self-inflicted ordeal occurred.

It’s dangerous. I never say ‘No’ to an opportunity that I know will benefit me or someone else because I reckon if you try hard enough you can squeeze a month into a week. My reckoning is wrong.

I’m now exhausted again. I realised how useful and multi-talented physical strength can seem. Of course, it allows you to walk at a pace of proficiency, to go to the shop when there’s no food in your house ect. Furthermore, if you peel the onion a few layers deeper you might find physical strength also enables you to smile at your colleague at the end of a long day regardless of the rubbish. However, peeling even further…I’ve found physical strength has another gift. When there’s a lot of stuff happening in your life, I think it’s physical strength that allows you to push it to one side completely and focus on the task at hand. You’re in the space. You’re acting, it’s professional; but when you are exhausted and physically weak for some reason that ability to put everything in its box disappears. Because the little people in your head got tired of lifting everything; the things in the boxes were too weighty for their little brainy arms to carry.

Physical strength has an expiration date. It lasts for a while, but if you run out your screwed. Spiritual strength doesn’t have an expiry date, but I think you can tire your spirit also…in fact, maybe the above is in truth, all about Spiritual strength? I dunno…if you run your spirit down to the ground, it’s gonna feel it. I mean; it’s not some kind of perpetual Panasonic power battery on prozac is it?

All I know is this. In life when you have a lot of blood in your bones that people wanna sip, they will push, pull, tug,  squash AND quietly slip you into any direction to make sure their thirsts are quenched. The people on your left will convince you that “those tugging you on the right are trying to control your life and you should tell them where to bluddy go’, make sure you don’t forget that those same people on that very same left are tugging you too.

No one will say ‘NO’ on your behalf. You have to say ‘NO, I’m busy/I don’t have the time/I’m tired’ yourself. No one is going to have your complete best interests at heart and say ‘No’ for you unless it involves them getting the time they just ‘rescued’ you from spending elsewhere.

Maybe there are people who will step in and say ‘NO’ for you; I guess I just haven’t met them yet. But some try.

Thanks Christian Burgess, Christophe Pierre (oh look, both your names begin with Christ)

I’m going to bed now. Because I need to sleep.  I can’t focus on anything (this blog included) without my mind jumping to something else. I even put my laundry in the oven by mistake. Loads of objects on the floor, and almost laughable amounts of empty boxes.

Goodnight, Love you.


3 Responses to “Drama School Diaries (DSD) Part 23”

  1. Rachel Okay June 20, 2010 at 12:18 am #

    It’s your God given passion. I pray you learn to channel it somehow… because… I don’t think it’s totally bad… it has it’s good [drive] and bad [fatigue] points!

    Veeeeery interesting point:

    “No one is going to have your complete best interests at heart and say ‘No’ for you unless it involves them getting the time they just ‘rescued’ you from spending elsewhere. // Maybe there are people who will step in and say ‘NO’ for you; I guess I just haven’t met them yet. But some try.”

    realy made me think! Still is actually.

    All the best x

  2. August James June 15, 2010 at 9:24 pm #

    Take care of yourself, each day is only meant to fill so much x

  3. Kathical Mathematical June 15, 2010 at 7:13 pm #

    Love you x

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