Boys, Girls & Dignity

11 Jul

Something I wrote a couple of years ago; it’s meaning is returning to me…here it is.

Most of all, I regret not realizing I was worth more than this my darling Situation,
And that if I’m connecting with God…I’m not connecting with you.
I’ve become literate again and can read the sign on my forehead that reads ‘she’s full of desperation’
Choosing to ignore the symptoms from your toxins of manipulative persuasions has been
bad for me Situation…our expenditure under revolving moons had us glued to our
bedrooms
hosting private shows postcodes apart sustaining the significance of perpetual stars,
You, regurgitating the chinwags upon the canvas of your bars, rumbling your
Adaptations you spewed and spat out replications of your past.
I, enjoying bathing in your vomit, gagging on your leftovers,
Sow a seed, and you’ll reap a harvest.
Let me know, and reassure me you appreciated what I returned to you.
My extension to you of intelligent metaphors crafted in the framework of a fool.
So shall ye give, and it will come back to you.

Dignity is an interesting thing, sometimes it protects, sometimes it does more detriment to you than you could ever imagine. Having enormous amounts of dignity (occasionally mixed in with a bit of pride I guess) can be seen as good because it’s almost a quick remedy to avoiding potential hurt, embarrassment and loss of power.

Dignity allows you to walk around giving off this amazingly resounding ambience silently booming out

‘Don’t mess with me’

‘I know who I am’

‘Respect ME’

‘Whatever it is…Don’t even go there’

Women love doing it,

you’ve got the modern Christian Woman, she prays and speaks in tongues with such vigour that they give her a microphone during ‘worship time’. She delights in being a woman of God; and always talks about finding her total completeness in Christ, and not needing anyone else.

However…

She calls herself ‘Woman of God’ just a litttttle toooo much that it begins to sound like it’s compensating for something, at home she has a stash of what could be about 90 books, all with similar titles, they read; ‘How to be the Perfect Wife’, ‘How to be the perfect Wife in Jesus Name’, ‘How to be the Perfect Wife in Jesus Name, Amen’, ‘How to be the perfect Wife in Jesus Name, Amen and Amen again’, she’s constantly shunning and judging other women instead of uniting. Instead of being honest, admitting her flaws, weaknesses, and desires, she spends her time explaining why she isn’t married; claiming her husband will be COMPETENT unlike the majority of this generation; he’ll have a job and be a home owner, and she ain’t settling for less no way! No Way! No Way! Regardless of the fact that she doesn’t have a job, her mum pays her bills, she doesn’t drive and quit trying to get a licence after she failed her theory. She wants everything she isn’t as if what she wants would ACTUALLY want HER back; it’s monstrous

Then you’ve got the pseudo-uber MR MAN, he knows his word off the back of his hand, can find Romans 8.28 with his eyes closed, can battle out his theological beliefs with total precision, is always saying how chilvary should be brought back and women must be physically and mentally protected at all times.

yet…

He’s in serious debt before he’s 25, treats women as subordinate as animals, can’t seem to hold  a job down, is very unreliable, throws about this empty, unmerited, biblically unjustified idea of power, is totally apt to speak the Word; but a clumsy beggar at living it…the list goes on, it’s also equally monstrous.

Being overly dignified can stop you form learning, it slowly plants the idea that ‘you know it all’ in your head all too subtly. So scared of being hurt, we grip on to dignity so tightly that all that’s left of us is this false sense of control. Sometimes it’s good to get hurt, because we cannot gain strength unless we go through a little bit of pain first.

Guess what the rest of the wiki definition said: “[Dignity] is an extension of Enlightenment-era beliefs that individuals have inherent, inviolable rights, and thus is closely related to concepts like autonomy, and enlightened reason

Autonomy; one who gives oneself their own law

Theonomy; one who follows God’s law

God’s law allows us to get hurt and come back; The bible continually speaks of giving without expecting anything back, turning the other cheek, forgiving others when they don’t deserve forgiveness

The overly-dignified don’t turn the other cheek but say ‘put your hands on me again and i’ll sue you trampwhore’

The overly-diginified only give if something is returned to them, and in fact, they make sure they see proof of that ‘something returned’ before they take any action towards generosity

The overly-dignified never forgive, and definitely never forget.

I don’t really know what I’m getting at or how it’s in relation to the poem above…I guess when you find yourself loving someone, you offer up your dignity, your barriers, your defences, and when someone accidentally pours a can of coke over them while they were doing star jumps on top of them (what I mean by that is “takes the mic“) can be very embarrassing..I hate that feeling; it’s like you wanna tear your insides out. (And before you think it..no, my conviction to blog this has nothing to do with any present man in my life, I’d first need a present man in my life for that to even be a possibility lol hard times, sozabarrit)

What I guess I’m saying, is that it’s okay to be hurt…it makes you stronger…I think that’s what I mean lol

A teacher at my school called Danny McGrath said something interesting this week, he said ‘a successful relationship is founded on both parties ability to equally challenge each other’.

Love you to Life

x

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4 Responses to “Boys, Girls & Dignity”

  1. Mabela August 30, 2010 at 9:02 am #

    I just stunbled on your blog (while looking for a video for ‘you’re beautiful’- to show to a cousin of mine) and boy am I glad,thank you for sharing the very same thoughts that we ponder on but seem to keep in…we can only confront the very things that we are aware of… I look forward to reading the rest of your blogs….

  2. Big Sis July 13, 2010 at 2:35 pm #

    Lol! At the book titles! Sis, you’re tooo much!

  3. Kudzi July 12, 2010 at 12:21 pm #

    I been reading ur blog but had to reply to this one, coz it’s one of those funny things when someone says a lot of what you’ve been thinking for a really long time, and I can articulate it in my head, but try and speak and it comes out confused and inept – (like now – not sure what I’m getting at) apart from I’m sure that I understand exactly … but not sure how – you just got me thinking all over again! 🙂

    Stay Blessed xx

  4. Rachel July 12, 2010 at 3:10 am #

    ‘How to be the Perfect Wife’, ‘How to be the perfect Wife in Jesus Name’, ‘How to be the Perfect Wife in Jesus Name, Amen’, ‘How to be the perfect Wife in Jesus Name, Amen and Amen again’
    – LOL at the book titles!

    I guess when you find yourself loving someone, you offer up your dignity, your barriers, your defences, **and when someone accidentally pours a can of coke over them while they were doing star jumps on top of them can be very embarrassing..I hate that feeling; it’s like you wanna tear your insides out.
    – Didn’t really understand what you were saying from ** onwards… :-S

    This post is very interesting… thought provoking.

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