Michaela The Poet’s review on MARIO at the Indigo2

31 Jul

Hey !

So there were a few things I was supposed to do today; watch Eastenders on iPlayer, watch the UK version of that ‘Witches’ documentary on 4OD, put my gig dates in my calendar and sort out my spontaneous and somewhat clumsy lifestyle. I’m supposed to go out to the vegan cupcake shop before 12pm, I haven’t even done my blogs yet; I was supposed to write about ‘The Daddy Issue’ about ‘ASOS’, about ‘Online Dating’…but this blog is just distracting me….I have to get this out of my system. It’s terrible guys…this blog is a review on….


This is not a journalists review, nor is this an objective account of the whole show, it’s just my feeble telling of my most memorable parts. Okay, so we got in (me and my people got free tickets and were on the guestlist (that’s just how you roll when you’re famous- VIP babay): we thought we were special until we discovered that about 70% of the audience were on the  guestlist too…so much for VIP lol..I guess everyone truly IS IMPORTANT.

But that wasn’t too big a deal, caught the first 5 opening acts..erm…they were all guys, some of them appeared to have drunk lots of alcohol as a means of purging up some form of confidence; I found it all rather cringe-worthy, it ended up coming across a little bit third circle (read Patsy Rodenburg’s book “Presence” if you want to find out what 3rd circle means!).

Oh gosh and you know when people shout out after their 1st track “ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME LONDON?!!!!” And literally…the WHOLE crowd boos…but they are so unaware both of the crowd and of themselves that they can’t even hear it? Yeah..that happened A LOT…I can’t remember anyones name, not because they were crap, but because I just can’t remember, some were quite good, the problem is…when everyone is making the same kinda music how can you differentiate them…surely it’s originality that rises from the band wagon of the trendy??

I mean…it’s the froth that gets to the top of the beer glass, the cream that stays on the top of the hot cocoa mug, the skin that sits on the top of the custard bowl! (Wow; I just made that up lol). They all kinda sounded the same so their names are a slight blur.

The one opening act that actually brought people to life was the only female artist on the line up; Cynthia Erivo. She was great, she did a remix of Lady Gaga and Beyonce’s ‘Telephone’ and Seals ‘Kiss from a Rose’ as well as 2 of her own tracks. She looked professional, glamorous, sexy; but not the kind of sexiness that manifests in some jagged energy from her pants, but a sexy heart, her voice was massive, and everyone was surprised ‘coz she’s kinda tiny.

She was the artist before Mario…a nice end to the OA’s (opening acts). And just as we thought Mario was about to come on…some other guy comes on; this one is from America, he said he’d just finished a track with R.KELLY! Everyone was like ‘WOWWWWEEEE!! We LOVE R.KELLY!!!!’ Even I was excited! He asked if we wanted to hear his music


They started playing his tracks, his side kick (like you know those people that hang around on stage and say the last word of the actual artists line?) came on stage…the beat was okay…heads were nodding, eyes were eager. He started rapping…erm..okay…so….


….air and tumble weed.

You could cut the disappointment with a knife. His side kick wasn’t even into it; I reckon he secretly knows his homie is lacking some lyrical abilities but just won’t tell him; I mean; he gets to hop on a plane and come to London; why would he tell him? Another guy comes on with a home video camera filming us; the audience; the whole thing just became so ghetto. He asked us whether we wanted to hear one more track; everyone screamed ‘NOOOOOOOO’..of course; that meant nothing to him, and we were punished with another one. I sat on the floor, zoned out, and thought about writing a blog about it.

FINALLY…MARIO comes on…now I don’t know his music at all (other than ‘Just a Friend’) so I was curious to see what this was all about…I gotta say guys, I was heavily impressed, he wasn’t cocky, he was confident, he managed to maintain 2nd Circle (Patsy Rodenburg again) contact with us, his voice was amazing, and he seemed really happy, whether he was or not is another story; if he was simply playing a part; he played it well.

The crowd loved him, most people there knew the words of his tracks, I felt a little out of place as I had no idea, but if you focused on him it was okay…the girls loved him, they were screaming all over the place, lifting their hands; even people at the back were trying to reach for him in some irrational attempt to grab his hand. I was intrigued, I’ve seen this in films and documentaries, but I didn’t know people did this in real life; screamed to the top of their lungs for an artist they like, threwitems of clothing at him…normal women and men; that I assume have day jobs, careers, families, that care about things like politics, the state of the world, that seek to learn about things in life (it’s good to assume the best in people), screaming like a starved child longing for food, I guess a job and a brain don’t give you dignity on a plate. About 15 minutes into his performance I started feeling strange…I was really feeling his stage presence, but perhaps by this point a little too much.

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I don’t particularly find Mario attractive but all of a sudden he became absolutely beautiful, some undiscovered part of me felt a little bit in love with him, at one point he forgot his lines and he just stood there, and I actually said in my head ‘awwwwww!’ I was with two of my best friends, Shanika and Sadie from IYDLIT. I said to Shanika

‘I think I’m finding this attractive; I can’t do this’

She had no idea what I was talking about, as far as she was concerned Mario was the guy that made good music but had a big head with massive nostrils.

Whenever he came over, to entertain the side of the room I was on, I’d look down, the last thing I wanna do is catch his eye and work myself up even more. I think there was something I suddenly found quite enchanting about a guy performing his heart out on stage; with real confidence..I was like WOW.He started doing some song about how he likes a girl with intelligence…”ooo my gosh THAT’S ME” I whispered to Shanika, she stroked my arm with pity and confusion, looked at me like I was a freak then sharply refocused on the stage. Then my mind drifted: it flew off across the shores of the red sea then onto a coffee table at Starbucks where Mario and I were on a date; he spotted me during the show and got his management to tell me he requested my presence; I told him I was a poet, and a writer, we spoke about God to Barack Obama, from politics to fashion, we had a lot in common but I wasn’t really interested; his lifestyle conflicted with mine too much even though he wanted to change. We got back in the Mercedes and after begging me for my number, my time, affection and love, and following my subsequent refusal; we went our separate ways but he was so eager I always knew I’d have him on lay away. My dream was interrupted suddenly when during a part of whatever song he was on he pretended the microphone was his…ting (for want of an even less explicit word) and swung it around on his crotch: that was pretty much when my ‘weak-for-Mario-knees’ suddenly stood straight, I just lost interest.

Then that part came…you know that part?! Come on guys! When any male r’n’b singer does a show, an audience member is picked at random and goes on stage while said artist does sex fuelled song and grinds with said audience member?

Ewww I thought. NEVER could I do that, GAS THAT BLAD (I did a pretty good job of ignoring the part of me that wished to get up; I think it’s called the flesh or something). By the end of the night, I was back to my usual self. There was a girl on the top balcony who was mouthing things and making finger signs to mario the last few minutes of his set she stood right in the middle to ENSURE that she was seen by him; he was making them back to her; it almost seemed like the secret kiss of betrayal by Judas; if you caught that you definitely predicted they was probably gonna do a ting. Kudos to her confidence, but at the same time I felt sad for her..what must your life consist of to make it your aim to be some american r’n’b singers sexual punching bag for a night? Maybe for some, the nice hotel, free drinks and male attention makes it worthwhile.

But then I thought; nah- artists don’t really pick up random girls and bang them after shows do they? Then we heard that there was a meet and greet for £85 after the show. I figured this was

Firstly to filter out the men, ‘coz meeting a man after the show is useless to Mario,

Secondly, to filter out the women that were poor; because money and designer clothes=beauty,

Thirdly, to ensure he only met the desperate ones; because if you pay £85 to meet Mario, you’d probably do anything else, and

Lastly, to make up for the tickets he clearly didn’t sell.

An angel told me he might be a diva, and that in real life, he may not be as 2nd Circle, as generous, and as giving as he seemed in that brief day dream of mine. I wonder if he even met and chatted with his Opening Acts…I pity the artists that don’t do that; they’ve forgotten where they’ve come from. Maybe I’m bitter guys, maybe some part of me is still dangerously, desperately, degradingly in love with Mario…but for now, I’m happy believing this is my honest opinion, in fact: I know it is 🙂

Michaela The Poet


4 Responses to “Michaela The Poet’s review on MARIO at the Indigo2”

  1. Rachel Okay August 18, 2010 at 4:56 pm #

    “….air and tumble weed.”

    “ he wasn’t cocky, he was confident, he managed to maintain 2nd Circle (Patsy Rodenburg again) contact with us”
    – i looked it up… interesting.

    “ screamed to the top of their lungs for an artist they like, threw items of clothing at him…normal women and men; that I assume have day jobs, careers, families, that care about things like politics, the state of the world, that seek to learn about things in life (it’s good to assume the best in people), screaming like a starved child longing for food, I guess a job and a brain don’t give you dignity on a plate.”

    The way u broke down the attraction… wowee it’s actually a lot! Spot on… took me back to some crushes lol

  2. Chinedu August 1, 2010 at 1:10 am #

    Slowly getting over the fact that I didn’t go.
    T3M sounds better 😉

  3. Tolita August 1, 2010 at 12:23 am #

    I really enjoyed this, Michaela. Honest, unpretentious and funny. You came from a neutral standpoint not knowing his music (You must know ‘Let me Love you’ though? It was a massive cross over hit about 5 years ago) and this made it a balanced review. I think Mario is a good looking young man, no doubt about it so you’re within your rights to be enamoured. He’s a baby as far as I’m concerned but has def. come a long way since his slightly awkward cane-rowed 15 year old self…

    Couple that with the fact he’s one of, if not the best mainstream male R&B singer to emerge in the last decade, and the only one apart from John Legend who could hold his own next to the 90s R&B daddies and you’ve got a recipe for infatuation.

    What frustrates me is most of Mario’s material is poor in comparison to his talent and he and whoever is in his team are selling him short. He should either be a bigger star or at least a more credible one with his fantastic voice but he’s languishing trying to compete with the mediocre R&B jokers.

    I’d like to see him do the kind of soul/rare groove stuff Maxwell does. Would suit him better.

    Thanks once again for entertaining us 😀

    Shalom x

    PS That dry humping was no joke!!

  4. Sadie July 31, 2010 at 1:14 pm #

    hahaha….this relly made me laugh! well done mucks! i often have that daydream aswell, except I am filmng him and am not being all desperate like all the other girls- he notices my lack of interest and likes me…after our day of talking his hectic schedule forces him to go back to rehersals…against his will of course as he is so besotted with me! and then came the line that shakes me out of it were he says ‘im a grown ass man and i need a grown ass woman up here to come and do somethin with me…’ then im back in the crowd…lookin back at u like, phew…glad im here wd d credit to my phone instead! 🙂

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