13 Nov

For many years tinsel town has been the spot, it’s become the hangout place due to it’s 24/7 availability and comfortable vibe. After many-a gospel event it’s been the place the ‘cool’ people and artist crews hang out, after raves in central london tired yet hungry party-goers stop by for milkshakes and cajun chicken burgers; it’s the economic place to go for a birthday if you don’t wanna stay in the ends and go nando’s like last year, and of course, it’s linking central for the new generation of hormone pumping teens that managed to save some of their EMA till the end of the week. Tinsel Town is accessible to all

Apart from you Terrell. 

You didn’t know Tina at all, you met her in Nike Town, Oxford Street. Tottenham won 4-2 to Blackburn and you were on a high so you decided to take a leap and ask for her number. You had a bag with a box of trainers inside so she assumed you had enough money to leisurely buy material things (as far as she’s concerned, in a couple months that bag could contain a size 5 pair of  pink high-tops).

Your apparently cute smile won her over; she thought ‘well, my girls ain’t here, I’m from Essex and he’s from some place called Ladbroke Grove so I probably won’t see him again’. You won, she gave you her number, Terrell. You went back into Nike, returned your brothers trainers for him, and went back to Ladbroke Grove with a spring in your step.

You called her, she prepared her ‘sexy’ voice and calculatingly answered after the 5th ring; she put her homework to the side and you both ended up lying in bed parted by postcodes, talking all night until the moon fell and sun rose. You spoke about silly stuff, and she giggled at things that will never be considered funny in any part of the world. You said something carnal about her lips but said it in a really innocent way and she was dumb enough to fall for the carefully planned lust-fuelled compliment. You spoke about all your past partners, she spoke about 60% of hers, you both enjoyed lingering silences on the phone, you did that ‘McDonalds Bonding’ (when you weed out genuinely getting to know someone, but bring up all the things that’ll make you FEEL like you’ve bonded; sex, slow jams, nationality. The End) Tina suggested you link. You said you’d take her out and arranged to meet on Friday night, 8pm at Oxford Street station; where you first met.

But Terrell, what Tina did not expect, was that you would take her to Tinsel Town, but you weren’t to know that. Clearly.

You walked up to Tinsel Town; stood in a queue, Tina’s heels got stuck into a piece of chewing gum while you waited, she didn’t say anything but her countenance changed. ‘Peng ting, you got a man?’ investigated one of the boys in the pack of hooligans in front of you- you said nothing and answered a timely phone call. She looked befuddled, and shocked, ‘what a cheek!’ she pondered; I mean she was clearly standing next to a man…but Tina didn’t understand that this was Tinsel Town…the rules don’t apply.

The greasy looking Russian guy responded to your ‘table for two’ request and took you to your seats; up those stairs on the right…

Next to me, and my band and singers.

You and Tina sat opposite each other…she couldn’t even face you as she looked around at the unruly school canteen you’d brought her to. She didn’t want to be there…but she didn’t know how to tell you that. She picked up the menu…

“Nothing here that I want, I’m not hungry anyway” she lied. And what did you say Terrell?

“Are you sure? I mean”-


What you were about to say next I will never know; all I do know is that when the petite blonde lithuanian lady politely greeted you with her little orders notepad; all that spewed from your mouth was


And my mouth dropped Terrell…my mouth dropped because I could not believe what was happening before my eyes. TERRELL YOU’RE ORDERING AND SHE’S NOT EATING. WHAT ON EARTH IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?

Tina got a Coke.

Your food came…

Tina got out her blackberry

You started eating; started with the chips and saved the wings for last

Tina made a phone call

You finished your chips

Tina got out her iphone

You started to devour your wings as you rebuked the metal knife and fork set for you on the table and utilised natural cutlery you were born with

Tina got our her mp3 and started listening to Rihanna-Only Girl (In The World)

Tina finished her coke, considered leaving but realised she didn’t know the way to the bus stop.

She went to the toilet

You looked like an African King in Adidas Trackies; smiling at the bones left on your plate as you massaged the chicken grease on the top lip with the bottom like blistex on chapped lips. You swiftly swept the tissue from under the God-forsaken cutlery and twisted it around the tip of each of your oily barbecue-drenched fingers one by one with as much grace as a pig in a ballet. As far as you were concerned, you’d hunted down a Lion, killed it with your bare hands, drained it’s blood, roasted it on a fire and THEN devoured it. But Terrell…it was just Tinsel Town.

She came back from the toilet, you both went to the front to pay “That’s £11.69” said the lithuanian Barbie-looking waitress. But you thought it was £8.99 ‘Erm..the coke also’ said Barbie…you swung your head round in slow motion to Tina, you didn’t even need to say anything, and I reckon she was so desperate to leave she just didn’t mind paying for her own drink. You went to pay for yours but only had a fiver and a two pound coin in your pocket…you slowly swung you head round again; Tina got out another 2 quid from her purse and slammed it down on the counter. You said thanks and smiled that same smile that won her over; she kissed her teeth at what she now considered an ugly, buck, gap tooth, crooked set of grills and asked you to see her to the bus stop.

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Terrell…I have so many things to say to you, and on the off chance that you see this I want to tell you at least this;

Wrong. On so many levels.

Tina, doesn’t care about you; she wants a free dinner, trainers and someone to call a hubby; she’s shallow. Other girls don’t mind going to Tinsel Town; but those are the girls that either have no standards and will be okay with anything you do…or on the other hand; just wanna spend time with you and get to know you (the right girl).

Terrell, I don’t know where you are right now, probably fishing around Oxford Street for more ‘McDonald’s Romance’. I may not believe in you, but I believe in God, and I believe that it is possible for you to seek Him and get these things they call WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE and UNDERSTANDING; and therefore realise that girls like Tina are not a benefit to your life, she’s a user…seek the truth Terrell. You don’t need her. You have the potential to be a great man once you grow up a bit and know yourself through the God who made you.

Tina; same to you but that’s what you get when you give your number to a complete stranger on the basis that he has a Nike bag, shame on you. Go back to Essex and finish your homework.

With Love, Michaela



(Disclaimer: their names may not have been terrell and tina, and everything before their entrance into Tinsel Town is my imagination)



  1. Rachel Okay December 3, 2010 at 12:02 am #


    OMGORSH lol this reminds me of another story… HA!
    (will tell ya wen u get back from ur trip ;o))

  2. KEMI December 1, 2010 at 10:34 pm #

    love it; God Bless ur talent!

  3. August November 16, 2010 at 12:42 pm #

    Fabulous! Lol, loved it! But come on Michaela, Terrell is surely worse than Tina. You always treat a lady like a lady if you have invited her out, and bring cash. Wow. Just simple things man, what is wrong with guys nowadays?? If I wasted MAC makeup and ground down my heels an extra 5mm for thsi dude I would have been furious!!

  4. Rochelle November 15, 2010 at 1:16 am #

    Love it!

  5. DxD November 14, 2010 at 7:47 am #

    Wow!! Just based on the bits that actually happened…that’s deep!! Did he @least offer to share his food? That’s why my mum always said take your own ££ even if he’s a millionaire-mum’s mostly-always right!!

  6. poetra_asantewa November 14, 2010 at 12:07 am #

    Loved it!

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