No…I Haven’t Graduated Yet. (Drama School Diary Part 35)

27 Jun

I’ve been at Guildhall for 2 years now…I didn’t realise how intense the course would be or how much I would have to put aside my entire life to get the most out of it and truly learn from my training (hence why I haven’t blogged a DSD since NOVEMBER!) but I’m making it, and I’m doing it, and it’s looking like I’m finishing. That’s right. I’m not dropping out.

If you know a decent bit about me, you’ll know that I dropped out of college, dropped out of university, then went back and dropped out of the same university again. Me and the educational system haven’t exactly been in constant perfect harmony, and I’m not the kind of person who ‘sticks things out’ in order to finish at a dead end with wasted years, a certificate and a silly looking hat; I’d rather preoccupy myself with figuring out what I’m SUPPOSED to be doing.

So now I’m here, I should have graduated with a BA in Political Science in 2009 or something, but lo and behold; I’m just finishing my 2nd year. I decided to write this because this weekend I actually ended up in the presence of a lot of people that went to my university…

I got this instant joy and started smiling when I saw familiar faces of lovely people spread across a garden BBQ,  I made sure I spoke to everyone I could

“How’s it going?!” I’d say smilingly.

“Yeah, really good!” They’d say smilingly.

“You graduated ‘n that now?” I’d reply smilingly.

“Yeah man, long time….what are you doing?”

This is the point where the conversation would often get a little bit weird…some eyes would turn from smiling to awkwardly skeptical whilst I wondered how to approach that familiar-sounding question this time round. I go for providing a beautiful anti-climax by telling them ‘I’m in my second year’…

….

…woah.

I have never seen a face sink so low. I worried for a moment that the sinking face was going to bury itself into the soil and grow a big tree; The Tree of Disappointment’.

But it didn’t…it didn’t go underground, it stayed fully present above the ground for everyone to sniff and stare at the mauve stench of disappointment it evoked. The quarter chicken on my plate advised me to back away, return to my seat and finish eating and I obeyed like a child. But like an insecure adult, the shame of the disappointment stayed with me…

I should be graduated by now. I should have been working for 2 years! On a fixed income. Wearing suits. Shopping in PINK. Have a flash ’10 reg car that I bought on finance and pay hundreds for it monthly simply because I KNOW I have a monthly income that can handle it. Driving around. In a stable relationship. Maybe even married.

However…I’m in my second year. I’ve not had a JOB job in 3 years! My income is as unpredictable as a child with Tourettes Syndrome. I wear a black leotard and tights everyday prancing about like a prat. I ride a bicycle everywhere because transport is too expensive for my pocket. Like the words in Wiz Khalifa’s ‘Black & Yellow’…what was it? That’s it: “No keys (literally) PUSH (pedals) to start. As single as I was the day I was born. You know you’re in the crazy girl zone when you ask yourself that common question: ‘Could I be single for the rest of my life??’ and the answer is “Yes, but then again that’s never having sex again till I die so I dunno”

But as I sat there eating my grilled chicken I had a summer epiphany; I’m exactly where I need to be, and I’m PROUD of myself! In fact; I’m gonna let rip right now!

I chase my dreams because I know my feet are quick and my brain is angling round the track after them like frickin Usain Bolts of Lightening. And I know what I’m doing. Even when I don’t know what I’m doing.

I’m doing stuff differently because I wasn’t born to be a statistic in any way shape or form and I’m basking in that!

And I’m NOT ashamed, you stupid potential Tree of Disappointment. What are you doing with your life? You’re just a frickin tree, you can’t even get up and go somewhere, dog.

For those of you who quietly/loudly started walking or galloping in a different direction to the herd, here this; God loves you, He is not ashamed of you, He is proud of you for taking risks and not following the herd because it was ‘too late’ or ‘too hard’..

If you haven’t had this epiphany yet, I hope you have yours soon…doesn’t matter where you are in life, dead end job, still in uni, doing a course you hate- Find your passion, THAT is your purpose. Finding your passion should be your priority right now…because if you don’t know what that is…I’m worried for you, you need to switch on whatever room that is in your brain that’s gone dark because you will die not having made the impact you were supposed to make on this earth.

And for those of you who have found your passion and that was in doing whatever the herd around you are doing..as long as your passionate about that..have fun!

A girl in my school sang a song today…these words in particular struck a chord with me, and I hope they do for you too:

“Look at what you want, not at what you are…Anything you do, let it come from you, then it will be new. Give us more to see.

Love from Michaela Coel

(Your 2011 Laurence Olivier Award Winning homeslice!!!)

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14 Responses to “No…I Haven’t Graduated Yet. (Drama School Diary Part 35)”

  1. gifty July 25, 2011 at 1:43 pm #

    i hope 1 day God anoints your hands to write a book that is empowering-in that fresh,candidly frank way that you do x

  2. lawrence July 4, 2011 at 12:30 am #

    Nice one Michaela

  3. Susannah laing July 3, 2011 at 7:57 am #

    love you xxx

  4. Keziah Charis July 2, 2011 at 1:07 am #

    This was fantastic..a breathe of fresh air for me……really something i needed…..it almost feels like we’re one in the same…GOOD STUFF!!! This was GREAT!

  5. designbyspirit June 30, 2011 at 6:07 pm #

    Love this. I am glad I found this out some years ago or I would be an accountant, and a very sad rich one. LOL!

  6. Black Russian June 28, 2011 at 3:20 pm #

    micheala, the more i read some of your bloggs…i wonder if you’ve ever considered authoring as well…..submitt this to the newspapers for their supplements (education supplement)….it’s encouraging…do you know it reads as if it were me a bit….thanks for sharing…you’re a blessing.

    Ennis

  7. Lánre June 28, 2011 at 4:56 am #

    Love love love!!!

  8. Crystal Afro June 27, 2011 at 11:41 pm #

    During these emotional weeks of prayer and self-scrutiny all I can say is keep up everything your doing, cos this simple post is actually a blessing to many!
    The Lord works in mysterious ways – reassurance EXACTLY how & when I needed it!

  9. Wande Alugo June 27, 2011 at 11:21 pm #

    Thank sooo much for writing this Michael! For years I wanted to be an account, until the choice came, and I choose Marketing. No one understood why, especially my mum. I love the word or radio, TV and all sorts of mass communication.

    Now only just finished uni whilst my peers are on their 40k jobs. My inbox suddenly fills with nosey parkers asked those famous words.

    “Hi Wande,

    How you doing? Heard you finished uni? What you doing now?

    Love so and so”

    Why do you care, focus on you.

    Even when you told me years back you dropped out twice, I remember saying to my self. “searching/understand your passion means taking risk, that people may frown upon”

    The funny thing is when you get to where you want to be, people call it “luck”

    Anywhose before I start my dissertation in your comment section.

    I wish you all the best, and cant wait to see the fruit of your labour.

    Loves ya girl

    Wande

  10. patricia June 27, 2011 at 11:17 pm #

    Thanks. Iam also at drama school I know how it feels. (The long days, everything around u suffers, always in black movement clothes, the long journey back and forth,being broke). But its worth living ur dreams. When I am doing what I love that’s when I am most happy so its worth it.

    Thanks for the encouragement, its made me more motivated for the rest of the week.

  11. Ikesha June 27, 2011 at 11:17 pm #

    “You’re just a frickin tree, you can’t even get up and go somewhere, dog.” looool
    Love this (the whole blog i mean)…it really takes courage not to follow the herd. But you are an example that shows it isn’t impossible and not doomed to failure. Love you Xxx

  12. Hadassah June 27, 2011 at 10:52 pm #

    Thanks for writing this sis.. means a lot. I’m supposed to be graduated too by now, but I have one more year. This encourages me simply because at the end of it all, I know that I’m going to be happy with the accomplishments I’ve achieved. You too. Take care, & God bless.

  13. D. June 27, 2011 at 10:17 pm #

    Just-in-time article : “Find your passion, THAT is your purpose” i feel this one. Bless you MKLA

    • Kathapilla June 28, 2011 at 10:37 pm #

      MUCCCCKS!!! YES!!! Just finishing up my second year too! But you know that…..

      We’re always in some strange kind of synchronisation

      I clapped, I genuinely clapped at the end of that. I actually feel no shame when I tell people where I am in life. I think, looking back at us both over the years, we’ve come a long way and are doing BLOOOMIN brilliant 😉 mwwwwwwwah xxxx

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